


The Loud and the Empty

by K___Kelly



Series: Pressed Flowers [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Mentioned Zuala, Mollymauk Tealeaf & Yasha Friendship, POV Yasha (Critical Role), Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Sad Yasha (Critical Role), Yasha is a Softie (Critical Role), Yasha-centric (Critical Role)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22820377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K___Kelly/pseuds/K___Kelly
Summary: Yasha remembers the light and life Mollymauk Tealeaf brought into her life.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf & Yasha
Series: Pressed Flowers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640500
Kudos: 19





	The Loud and the Empty

When I turned my back on the coat hung outside of Shady Creek Run, I decided I hate silence. I used to look for silence and solitude, but now silence is just a reminder that Molly is gone. I hadn’t even realized that there was a level of constant sound that came from being around Molly even before we met the rest of the Mighty Nein, and that is gone, and it's all wrong. 

**_“Yasha dear don’t feel like you have to respond to all my bullshit, I just fill up empty space with pleasantries, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”_ **

**_“N-No, I-I don’t mind…it’s a nice sound…your voice…I like it.”_ **

His voice always sounded like so much color and heavy, cleansing water washing over me, offering underserved forgiveness a hundred times a day. I remember…

…one jeweled, painted fingernail tapping the side of his head right above where the peacock feather ends.

**_“There’s not much up here I’m afraid, I’ve only got about two fistfuls of memories, if you open me up and take a look inside, I’m really quite empty. But I’d like to remedy that, and you seem exactly the kind of person I’d like to make some memories with, Mollymauk Tealeaf at your service.”_ **

That was a few hours after I stepped in to save him from some unsatisfied customers, he offered to buy me a couple drinks and he bought himself a half dozen. He introduced himself with a grand bow and immediately fell backwards into his seat, arms spread out, but not to catch himself. I smiled at him without trying and helped him upstairs. I paid for a room to make sure he was safe. I don’t know why I did that. Just…he needed protection and it felt right. I never stayed anywhere long, but I spent three nights there. The first night I was passing through, the second night I made sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit, and the third night Mollymauk Tealeaf attempted to comfort me when I suddenly broke down crying to his surprise and to mine. He didn’t ask any questions just stayed nearby. 

He was good at just being present. Spinning nonsense stories for hours, sitting just near enough to assure me that I’m not totally alone. Pointing out flowers near our feet.

**_“You know what you need? A hobby. I mean clearly you need other things, but I firmly believe in fixing what you can when you can and worrying about the rest as it comes and goes.”_ **

I remember him handing me a slightly crushed daisy. The edges were tinged with green. I didn’t take it, so he tucked it behind my ear and kissed me gently on the forehead before walking away. Once he was out of sight I pulled the daisy out crushing it further, but I stopped and then tried to smooth out the petals. It was pretty. 

**_“You should really keep it!”_ **

Mollymauk called out, still within sight as I turned toward the voice which was much closer than I thought. 

**_“Maybe put it in that book you carry around, something to look at and remember, or don’t remember it’s a pretty thing by itself, you could keep it just for that, but I think you_ ** _should **keep it.”**_

I turned away so he couldn’t see me, but I tucked it into Zuala’s book and every time I find a flower that stands out from the dull scenery I save it for Zuala. A few weeks later I officially joined the carnival with Molly and we became some sort of family.

Some nights we would just lie there enjoying a quiet moment, they were rare in our life and even rarer in Molly’s company. 

**_“Yasha…what is it you want?”_ **

I didn’t really have an answer then and I still think I don’t. 

**_“I haven’t always done good things so I don’t know if I should want anything.”_ **

He turned rolled towards and propped himself up on one elbow.

**_“You shouldn’t worry much about your past, the people and things in your life now are the important ones.”_ **

**_“What if I have people I love in my past?”_ **

**_“Well then, I’m quite sure you couldn’t let them go even if I said you should, but everything else, all the things that put clouds in your beautiful eyes, it’s all just bullshit.”_ **

The first time I left the carnival without warning he didn’t question me, and he welcomed me when I came back. 

**_“Yasha!”_ **

I heard him before I saw him. 

**_“I told them you would be back, I insisted on it, I told Gustav ‘I’ve got a good feeling about this one she’ll be back, mark my words' and I was right, as usual.’ Are you alright you look bit more world weary this time round?”_ **

His smile showed fangs, but I couldn’t look him in the eye. I watched his tail flick back and forth. I assumed he wouldn’t want me back. I was wrong.

**_“None of my business where you went or where you’re going, if you ever need a hand though, all you need to do is ask.”_ **

**_“Thank you.”_ **

The first night I woke up to the sound of him sobbing there were no stars in the sky. He was curled into himself on his bedroll, knees pulled to his chin. There were storm clouds covering the moonlight. I could see him rocking back and forth mumbling under his breath between heavy breaths. 

**_“Empty…empty…empty…”_ **

At first I couldn’t hear what he was saying, I edged closer to try and understand what he was saying.

**_“Emptyemptyemptyemptyemptyempty”_ **

His breath got faster, and the sounds became one long moan. 

**_“EMPTY…empty”_ **

I’m not sure why but I grabbed him and held him tight. He was shaking.

**_“You’re not.”_ **

**_“…Empty”_ **

**_“Molly you are not empty”_ **

I didn’t let him go until he had stopped shaking and his eyes finally opened.

**_“You are color, and light, and sound, and you have never been empty”_ **

He curled into me.

**_“But I was…and I am”_ **

**_“You are not.”_ **

**_“I woke up without memories, no name, no words, I was nothing all of this…”_ **

He gestured to himself.

**_“This is all just bullshit.”_ **

He laughed harshly it sounded more like a sob. I meant it he must have known I meant it. I made him look at me

**_“You are not nothing. You are so much…almost too much for me.”_ **

He chuckled again and pulled away enough to wipe his face. 

**_“That might be true now but…”_ **

I didn’t let him finish.

**_“And now is what matters, right?”_ **

**_“Right.”_ **

He shivered and laid his head on my shoulder, not bothering to move back to his bedroll. I did not stop him.

**_“Good night Yasha”_ **

Oh Mollymauk, I was the empty one but just you being there filled me and now…I can’t go back to the silence. 

****

****


End file.
